This one may ruffle a few feathers...
Let me first start out by saying that I lean Liberal on almost all issues. This should give enough background on my viewpoints for most people, but to clarify further, I am a huge proponent of equality for all sexes (I have 2 daughters and hate the thought of them facing the issues I see in society), sexual orientations, religions (or lack thereof), races, etc... I'm incredibly aware of the fact that we're not an "equal" nation despite what some naive people may believe. I see differences in how I, a white male in middle-class America, am treated versus how my wife is treated when people don't notice I'm around and how people of other races face different circumstances given the exact same situation.
(I started typing about perspective and how, as a white middle-class male, I can't possibly have enough to discuss all forms of discrimination, but it was getting lengthy so I'll save that for another post. If you haven't seen this video on how sex/race determine how we react to people, go watch it.)
Given that, I want to talk about the reaction to this Ray Rice situation. Again, if you're not aware of what I'm talking about, you can Google it. You can find the video. Here's an ESPN article talking about it.
Long story short: Ray Rice apparently assaulted his fiance (now wife) on an elevator; in the process, she ended up unconscious. According to police, who saw the footage on the elevator (we haven't), both struck each other, Ray's blow was sufficient to cause Janay Palmer (now Rice) to lose consciousness.
Then, after the elevator stopped/opened, we saw the end result of Ray pulling Janay out of the elevator before propping her up.
That's all we know.
So, to review:
1. There was an altercation
2. Both struck the other
3. Janay was knocked unconscious
4. Ray pulled her out of the elevator, propped her up, and gave TMZ more ratings by doing it in plain sight of a security camera
After the NFL reviewed the case (which never went to trial, as Ray was a first time offender, had no prior charges for anything, and Janay and Ray stood united that this was an anomaly and not a regular occurrence), they decided to suspend Ray for 2 games. This caused a ton of outrage (which, I presume, is part of the reason you came to this post and are still reading) due to the comparisons to how other rule violators are treated (drug violations = 4 games, so the insinuation is that the NFL cares more about minor drugs (like marijuana) more than protecting women.
The next step is going on long-winded diatribes about how women should be treated equally, about how we should care just as much about wives/girlfriends as we do the NFL players themselves. Equality this, equality that...
(Not to belittle the concept of equality, which I fully believe should have long been a foregone conclusion; I'm more belittling the manner in which people use these situations to further their own narrative, their own viewpoints, no matter how right or wrong those viewpoints are. This isn't about your views... this is about a man and woman and an altercation.)
Here's my one issue with this entire situation: if we're going to preach equality, if we're going to state that men and women deserve equal treatment, that men shouldn't be able to treat women this way...
...why is it that no one seems to care that she was also physically attacking him?
Now, before you jump on me and point out that he's an NFL player and he's a man and he's bigger and he should know better... remember that not two minutes ago you were also preaching equality. That men and women are equal. Yes, his size makes his physical assault much more effective, but take a look at the motivations, the intentions, behind each attack. If she attacked first, her mind was in the same place as his. All things equal (again, we're going on the premise that men and women are equal), if she attacks him initially, how is he deserving of any more punishment than she is?
Yes, the end result of his actions are much more jarring to see than hers, but the mindset behind those actions were at the very least equal, at worst they put her more in the wrong. If she truly attacked him first and he defended himself/retaliated, I would put her mindset as the more aggressive one. Again, given the context of equality amongst men and women, which we hear all the time, this isn't about "he's bigger than she is, he should know better"... because if we go down that slippery slope, the "equality" question equivalent would be "how could she not have known better than to attack a much bigger person? She should have known better."
But I'm sure that statement rubs you the wrong way. I'm sure you feel disgusted that I'm stating that "that poor woman should have known her place". I'm not saying that. Don't get what I'm saying twisted around. I'm simply providing an equivalent retort to the "he's bigger, he should have known better" statement. If Ray Rice is expected to be a mature adult in the face of a physical assault, sitting idly while she attacks him, how is it we can't expect her to be a mature adult as well?
Let's discuss this equality thing a bit further; let's look at this as if Janay were a man instead of a woman since, due to the fact that men and women are equal in all things, a simple "plug and play" would work. If the male version of Janay (with the same general size/frame, a smaller man) were to attack Ray Rice in an elevator and got knocked out when Ray defended himself, we'd all be praising him and laughing about the stupid guy who attacked the big NFL player and got put in his place. No one would say "Ray was much bigger than him and should have known better than to retaliate." Ray would have been generally praised for standing up for himself and putting an idiot in his place.
Why is it that, when this person becomes a female instead, we only expect one of the two sides to have a level head and, furthermore, expect that person to maintain their cool in the face of physical assault? "He's bigger, he's a man, he should know better." I get what you're saying, but you can't possibly try to claim that men and women are equal then give that treatment to this situation.
Let's call a spade a spade: men and women aren't equal in all things; while I fully believe in equal rights, and I 100% believe that women should be afforded every single right to life, liberty, and all, men and women aren't equal when it comes to physical attributes and abilities. Yes, some women could be considered in the same league as some men, but all things considered, men, on a physical level, outpace women (on average). At that point, when you realize that a physical altercation between two individuals of opposite sexes will go a certain way more times than not, trying to tout equality in the face of this situation is terrible logic due to the specifics of this particular situation (that there was assault from both sides).
That being said, I fully endorse throwing men under the jail who abuse their spouses; abuse is quite different than defending and/or reacting to being assaulted. If a man beats his wife/girlfriend, I honestly believe that the punishment is never sufficient to fit the crime. My Mom was beaten for years by her boyfriend, a 6'3", 230 pound (mostly muscle save for a beer gut... working in a Springs warehouse lifting crates will do that) mulleted redneck. As a pre-teen and then a young teen, I was powerless to help her when his assaults would come.
But I also noticed something else; there'd be times where he would be calm and she'd have been drinking, and she would get in his face, poke him in the forehead, call him names, shove him, provoke him when he would try remaining calm. Alcohol makes people lose their minds, I suppose. After a while, even I was wondering why she continued and why she was asking for what was about to happen. Yes I said she was asking for it, because she literally was.
In that situation, when he starts getting slapped in the face, who becomes the wrong one? All things being equal, shouldn't she be thrown under the jail as well? I loved my dear mother until the day she died, but I'll always remember the nights where he would beat her unprovoked and the nights where she would flip out and keep going until he finally responded. I've seen both sides of the argument up close and personally... men shouldn't abuse their spouses, ever. I've never abused my wife, nor would I ever.
However, if we truly wish to get to a point in society where men and women are actually equal, we can't keep applying one standard to one side and a different one to the other side. We can't hold men accountable for their actions then turn around and give the wife/girlfriend a free pass on their side of the altercation due to her gender. That's by no means equality, and calling it as such is the reason we still don't have true equality to this day. It happens in race relations, in gender discussions, and in discussions about sexuality. When we claim things are equal when they're nowhere near a state of true equality, then we start accepting this state of inequality as "equality"... then, when the inequality rears its ugly head (like in this case), we flip out and claim the need for equality.
It's a messed up cycle that only gets fixed when we all take a step back and take a good hard look at how we react to situations like this. Am I saying he should have hit her? No... I'm saying that I understand the need to defend/respond when being attacked though.
Humans are animals at the base level; we have a "fight or flight" response to critical situations. While you claim "flight" should have been the response here, why is it that only Ray Rice should have reacted with a flight attitude? Why not Janay when she got upset? Why is it she's allowed to give in to her desire to have a "fight" instead of "flight" response yet he deserves to be destroyed, professionally and personally, for his response? If he's wrong, how is it that she's not just as wrong?!
As for the NFL's response; there was no conviction. With a positive drug test, there's no gray area; a positive test means that a drug was taken, and that means that the law was broken. No gray area. With this situation, there was no conviction and there was no clearcut violation of anything the NFL prohibits. Yes, the NFL has suspended people who haven't been convicted of a crime before, but not on the first offense. Ben Roethlisberger? At least two times he was in that type of situation. Adam "Pacman" Jones? Look at that laundry list...
He got 2 games, which is more than the NFL has ever given out for a first-time non-conviction. Calling for Ray Rice's professional head for this situation again goes back to the inequality in gender relations; why is it he should be punished by his private company when he was attacked and responded?
Either way, this is a debate that I'll either hear "yeah! That's right!" or "how could you promote domestic violence!?" and will never get people to reach a middle ground on. I simply wanted to use this space to type some thoughts down, as it's irritating hearing "equality this, equality that" before hearing about how much more Ray Rice should be punished than Janay in this situation.
That's it for now.
Michael
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